I’ve often berated myself for not having clarity about my gifts, my offering, what it is I am meant to bring out into the world. My mind loves to compare, and everywhere I looked it seemed people with not nearly the skills or training or education that I have were flourishing - starting businesses, gaining the vaunted social media following - and here I was filled with wisdom and knowing and no one was hearing it. I read a piece by the author Jeff Brown the other day that spoke to our gifts revealing themselves in right timing. It resonated with me. What I thought was “ready”, what I thought I had to offer at 40 or 45 or even 50, I recognize now as incomplete. Everything in Divine Timing. The alignment of my Knowing in this moment is beyond what my knowledge from five or fifteen years ago can imagine. My greatest strength is trust. It has compelled me to continue along this path of seeking, of examining and questioning, of relentlessly knowing my Self. What I offer today is not a culmination of 35 years of study, it is the distillation of that learning into a coherent and dare I say authentic knowing. I know my Self, as well as I ever have. Is there more to learn? No doubt. Yet in this moment I speak from an authority of self knowledge, one that isn’t spewing platitudes using the spiritual buzzwords du jour, but from a place of deep ownership of my own mental, emotional, and behavioral house. I own my thoughts and feelings, I allow them the dignity to be, without judgment, and I see how they serve me or how they don’t. I am far from perfect. I engage in behaviors that are self defeating (I’m looking at you, crunchy salty snack foods!), and I often still judge myself for it. Yet I also allow that behavior to inform me, to go to a deeper space within my self that is in suffering, or is just reverberating some old vestige of trauma because I have not given it a voice yet, or allowed it an alternate expression. I live from a place of deep excavation, and yes, I own my shit. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Every experience, every failure or mistake, every regrettable judgement call, every leap of faith that brought me into a more clear reflection of Who I Am. I own them all. And I see far too much spiritual bypassing bullshit advice being bandied about these days, too much “let it go” or crap about how behaving how you want is somehow an expression of your “Authentic Self”. This especially pisses me off, as my education in Spiritual Psychology is centered around understanding and coming into alignment with our Authentic Self as a way of Being, not as a result of doing. Confidence in your magic to me means the foundational tenet of “Do what ye will, and harm no one.” Because actions taken by your Authentic Self do not harm others; they are not actually a doing at all, but an un-doing. A divestment of judgment and criticism, an allowance of your own pure potential and your inner radiance to shine, without burning down those around you. The words spoken, and the energy they ride on. If your truth needs to express itself defiantly, allow it, and dig deeper. Use the defiance to lead you into your own as yet unhealed wounding, to move through the ego vestiges of “I’m doing it my way and that is authentic” to “I am at peace with who I show up as, with my choices and actions, and I deepen my relationship to my self with each self honoring choice I make, without judgment or blame.” It is not about condoning or even forgiving the actions of another, but of recognizing how you can love yourself fully as you deal with the interaction, how you can choose to stay in integrity with your soul regardless of external circumstances. And being in integrity with your soul actually requires that you be in relationship with your soul, with your self at the deepest and highest levels. And sorry not sorry, but a few clever and trendy memes as guidance won’t cut it. They may help to inspire the journey, but they are not the equivalent of the 1,000 plus steps walked in deep awareness of your soul. Marketing your epiphany is a very different path than living your wisdom. Be Your Own Oracle.
